Daddy-Support for Mum – Weaning Off Breastfeeding
From pregnancy to birth to breastfeeding, both mother and baby exclusively hold dear a bond that n man can sever – as in man, literally. But while men may not have mammary glands, dads actually play a big part in a baby’s life, of course, besides conception, but most particularly during the early stages of weaning from breastfeeding.
There are four things a dad may or may not feel with the birth of a new baby:
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A dad may worry that he may have a much more difficult time bonding with his offspring compared to the mom, who has been physically bonded to the baby since the time of conception;
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He may “resent” the baby (though he won’t admit it) for taking so much of the mom/his wife’s time – possibly felt because the mother is spending so much time with the baby, that he feels that there is no more room for physical intimacy;
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Having a feeling of inadequacy, thinking that you are no match for mommy … especially when the dad tries to pacify the baby from crying only to hear nary a whimper with mum’s touch; and,
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Having a sense of self-pity, thinking that because women breastfeed, they have an innate knowledge of babies which automatically makes them the best parents.
Not all dads feel this, and I am fortunate enough to have a husband who supported me all-throughout my pregnancy and who handled my post-pregnancy needs pretty well. Hubby (and I’m pretty sure a lot of other guys out there) realize that parenting is not just a one-way process. You may not have a milk supply as abundant as your partner’s, but you can help in a lot of different ways. Here are a few things to consider:
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Breastfeeding is taxing and draining on the mother. Most women complain of having pain while feeding, especially if the baby is already developing teeth. Try to be supportive of her physical and emotional needs. If she needs a shoulder to cry on (because of the pain), then give her the whole arm. You can bring her a glass of water while feeding. Or (as my husband used to say, “division of labor”) you can offer to help burp your baby when he’s done feeding. That works in 2 ways: one, you will be helping your partner, and two, you’ll have close quality time with the baby.
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Try to spend as much time as you can with your baby. Cuddle, bathe him, read to him, play with him – these are all activities that your child will surely enjoy. If he seems hesitant at first, don’t let it deter you, but don’t force him either. Try again after a few minutes. Sing to him if you must; eventually, he will realize who you are and will let you enter his baby-life freely and unconditionally.
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If breast milk is being expressed and stored via bottle, you can devote some of the feeding times for a “daddy-baby feeding”. (Note: Your baby should be at least 3 to 4 weeks old before being given a bottle. Silicone nipples have a different feel from the real one, so it may take some getting used to at first.)
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Your partner may be less interested in sex at this time. This isn’t because she finds you unattractive – it’s possible that she is having a hormonal change. Women who nurse have a lower amount of estrogen and unfortunately, estrogen is the hormone in charge of vaginal lubrication. Having sex at this time can be quite painful for her. Be patient, and don’t go looking for someone else who will have a go at you.
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Lastly, help with the chores. (And you thought I’d never go there, didn’t you?) Yes, unfortunately, you did not marry Supergirl. Your partner cannot do it alone. Taking care of a baby who cannot yet fully communicate what he needs and wants can be very taxing for your partner. (If she gave birth via Cesarean delivery, then all the more so as the cut takes months to years to completely heal.) Try to take over some of the house chores.
When you show your partner that you care and that you have a sensitive side, she will love you even more. So be man enough to be by her side, baby in tow. |
